Putting My “Big Girl Pants” On

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During this last spring semester, I was scrolling through my school emails until I hit one inviting me to apply for an internship in Oregon the upcoming summer. I thought about it for a while and decided that I would give it a shot, what did I have to lose? I worked on my resume for hours visiting my on-campus editors ripping it apart about every time, until I had a beautiful masterpiece. I turned it in sighing with relief that I got it done and that it could turn out with zero meaning, other than a template for my next job adventure. After a couple weeks went by I got an email wanting to set up an interview, and of course, I jumped at the chance. Nervous as ever I sat in my car the morning I got the call, rehearsing my life goals and aspirations over and over in my head, crossing my fingers that my dedication would be shown through words. After five questions and fifteen minutes passed by it was all over, marinating myself in my own thought and denial wondering if I was good enough, or if I could even get myself to move away from the comfortability of security in my day-to-day life.

After a couple more weeks had passed by, I just knew that I didn’t get the position. As I was walking into the business building one afternoon for an evening class, after getting off work and done making arrangements with my manager for summer schedules, wanting every hour I could get. The wonderful lady that initially sent me the email about this opportunity, stopped me in the hall asking for an update. I eagerly replied with the response “I haven’t got a call, and it seems a little late to make arrangements anyways.” I had told myself from the start that I wouldn’t be dissatisfied if I didn’t get the position, mainly because I wouldn’t have to use any brain power to get across 4 states seamlessly. After telling her I never got an update, I proceeded to tell her it was okay because I wouldn’t want to leave my job, this or that, loddy dah. She replied saying she would send me the CEO and the Vice Presidents information to help me out, knowing they hadn’t made a decision yet.

After receiving that email I sat on it for a week…. Why would I want to leave my last summer away from my friends, dog, hometown, and comfortability of all my surroundings? I have always dreamt of going to a bigger city, packing up and jumping ship. Could I really do it? Find my own apartment without ever even visiting Oregon before? Say goodbye to my friends knowing this could be our last summer together?

My roommates and one of my best friends were the only ones to push me, others leaving me with the same questions rattling me with fear. “I don’t know what I will do, but I will figure it out when the time comes” is now my life slogan, and it’s so true. We all think we can’t do something until we do it.

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Long story short, I got offered an internship at the corporate office that I won’t mention, but it is about 15 miles from Portland in a homey suburb. This is a God thing, you can tell it was what was meant to be. I work full time working in an office that I have always dreamt about, with coworkers that I have always wanted, getting along financially, and getting to focus on ME, just what I have been needing in the last 6 months. Living in a small town you get consumed by little things that seem like big things in that realm. Not to mention, I grew fond of comfortability. I would go to the same place every day, see the same familiar faces, and go on the same adventures. I grew monotone to my environment and I was heading towards a downward spiral.

I’ve learned so much already with being here only a week and a half, I can’t image what this whole summer will have to offer. Even the little things like learning how to buy and connect wifi myself, learning how to send a work email or complete tasks the right way, missing my family and giving them a call over a text, and facetiming your friends just to have a glass of wine together. I don’t want to get too in depth about what I have learned in detail just yet. But what I can say is, I did this all myself. I found out I was moving about two or so weeks before I was making my way. I found an apartment, figured out paperwork, set up my own wifi, figured out my way around town with and without a GPS at times, and the biggest thing, learning how to be comfortable on my own. I always prided myself for this growing up, but I never got up and left in the matter of weeks not knowing anyone, having anybody go along for the ride with me, or even have my Mom hold my hand through the process.

As my Mom likes to say, I put my big girl pants on and took the next leap into my dream without looking back.

Until next time beauties,

Kayla

XOXO

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